I have spoken frequently about how the Church should respond to certain situations and certain groups, but I have yet to speak on how certain groups should respond to the Church. As much as we try to advocate for marginalized groups and attempt to reform the Church to return to its Biblical roots in Jesus Christ, the fact is many churches (and many Christians) will not respond to reform and will continue to act according to prejudice and bias. This is to be expected for, as the saying goes, “a leopard cannot change its spots.” I am not saying this to justify the Church’s (or individual Christian’s) behavior, and I am certainly not throwing in the towel and giving up on Church reform. The vote by the Presbyterian church a couple of days ago, allowing for the ordination of gay men and women, is a huge step forward and shows that reform is possible. But it is difficult and can take many years for broad reform to occur. In the meantime, what are those who are typically marginalized by the Church to do in response to condemnation and criticism? How is the gay man or woman to respond to an unwelcoming Church? How is the woman who has had an abortion to respond to a judgmental Christian? How is the tattooed, ripped jeans, twenty-something to respond to the turns of the head he receives when he walks through the church doors?
First and foremost, it is important to remember that these attitudes you experience coming from “Christians” and coming from the Church are not representative of Christ. Jesus’ desire was to still the fear and trepidation people had when coming into God’s presence. Before Jesus came, only the High Priest was allowed to enter into God’s presence in the Holy of Holies. He was only allowed to do this once a year, on the Day of Atonement, and he had to go through a special ceremony in order to come before the Creator. Coming into God’s presence was an extremely terrifying thing, and it was reserved only for the select few. Jesus wanted to put an end to this, and so he came, and he opened the doors to the kingdom of heaven for all of humankind. Jesus’ big complaint against the religious leaders (the Pharisees) of his day, was that they shut the doors to the kingdom of heaven on many of the people. So when you encounter these judgmental attitudes from people in the Church, know that they are being representative of the Pharisees and not of Jesus.
Second, pray consistently that God will help you to truly feel the grace and acceptance you have in Jesus Christ. If you have first-hand experience of that acceptance from Jesus Christ, the judgment and condemnation you experience from others will not sting as much. It may well still sting, but knowing that they are not representing Christ, and truly knowing the acceptance you really do have in Jesus, you will not experience the sting to the severity you would without such knowledge.
Third, pray for those who judge you. Jesus says to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). This is certainly not an easy task and one that will require a lot of spiritual discipline on our parts. But I strongly believe in the power of prayer and believe that if we devote ourselves to praying for those who marginalize us (especially those in the Church) God really will work in their lives and will transform their hearts. Remember, as terrible as those “Christians” may be sometimes, it is wrong for us to wish harm on them, and if we can win them over through love and prayer, it will be a victory for us. I have not always believed as I am currently blogging. I used to be one of those that heaped loads of judgment on people such as those in the LGBT community. One of my constant prayers was that God would continue to help me grow and to learn his will and his love more and more. Through constant prayer and study, I was finally won over to understand God’s love and acceptance for all people.
Fourth, be loving and gentle towards those who persecute you. Before I expand on this statement, let me say that I believe whole heartedly in self-defense if those persecuting you are being physically abusive. I do not believe Jesus’ admonition to “turn the other cheek” applies to physical violence. So know that I am not saying to stand there and take a beating if that is what is happening. Instead, if your physical well-being is in danger, get out of there if at all possible, and if not, fight for your life. With that said, I do believe Jesus’ admonition to “turn the other cheek” is related to non-physical attacks. Remember, Jesus liked to speak in hyperbole. When your “honor” or your “pride” is being attacked, do your best to show the attacker love and acceptance, being gentle with them, and showing them the true nature of Jesus. If someone is calling you names or heaping words of judgment on you, do not attack back. This simply adds fuel to the fire. The best means of disarming a person is to be gentle and loving towards them. They will not want to fight back. All arguing back at them is going to do, is increase the tension and increase the anger in both you and them.
Finally, if it is at all reasonable, use the Matthew 18 principle on them. If the Church or a believer is being unChrist-like toward you, approach the offender in privacy (remembering to be safe and not placing yourself in a dangerous situation) and tell them of their offence. If they will not listen, bring one or two witnesses. If they still will not listen, go to the Church itself, the governing authority, and let them know of the offence. If the matter does not get resolved, consider the person or the Church to be outside of God’s will and direction, and move on to another church.
There are plenty of good churches out there that are aligned with God’s will and that will accept you for who you are. Do not characterize Christianity based on these fallen churches. Find Christians who genuinely represent the character of Christ and show acceptance and love to all people; they are out there, I promise. Find churches that embody these characteristics of Christ. Know that Jesus loves you and I love you.
Blessings,
-Brandon
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